Betrayal ~ End Result

{ April 22, 2008 @ 4:40 pm } · { Friends }
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So in case anyone reading was ever curious as to what happened with Mary Kay.  I saw her the next day at a mutual friends home.  She brought me flowers and pulled me aside to talk and apologize.  Her explanation was that the Realtor made assumptions based on her comment that she was a little concerned about me, and that she had shared no specific details from our conversation.  Basically, she lied, to get herself out of a sticky situation.  

I will be friendly with Mary Kay, but we will never be friends again.  And I will never tell her anything that I would not want posted on the front page of the newspaper.

 

Crushed Hopes

{ April 22, 2008 @ 3:05 pm } · { Crying }
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Things seem to be going very well with me and the fiancee.  I have always said that its the small things that matter most.  Last Wednesday he came home with roses for no reason.  They were the kind that the street peddlers have in a bucket and bring to your car window, but that does not matter to me.  What matters is that he thought of me.  Which is all that I really have ever wanted and needed from him.  

He has been on call for the past week.  Thursday night he got called out at 1:00am, had to drive into the city, which is about a hour or so at that time with no traffic.  Got there, fixedthe problem, and now its 3:30am.  What is he supposed to do, drive home for an hour to walk in the door and turn back around to drive back to be there for 6:00am.  Crazy, right?  So the poor guy slept in his work truck as best as he could.  He came home Friday afternoon and got a few hours sleep before he got another call at 7:00pm.  Supposed to be a simple reset, so thoughtfully he asked me to take the ride into the city with him and we would grab some dinner after.  Another thoughtful gesture, and although I had a million things to do, I jumped at the opportunity to spend time with him.  We arrived at his call about 8:30, and instead of it being a quick reset, it turned into a huge mess.  I sat in the car for 3 hours waiting for him.  So, we went home, because he had to work the next morning and it was so late, and I was so tired.  I teased a little, but never complained, because he had the best of intentions. 

Monday he had the day off.  He spent the morning hauling concrete from the side of our driveway.   A project that he started over a year ago, but I still appreciate the fact that he spent his day off doing something productive for our home.  He had to load up the bed of his truck 6 times to get it all there.  He came with me to the mall to get the kids new shoes, helped me find a hotel on-line for after the Red Sox game next Friday night, and we watched the Bruins game together.  Really nice evening. 

Yesterday on my way home from work, my mind was wondering, and I was thinking about how good things were going.  I have been wearing my engagement ring more often than past months, and just feeling good about the place we are at.  Well, that’s where my mistake was.  I screwed everything up by being happy and content.  Because every time I get to that place, he screws up.  And he did.

 

REJECTION

{ April 21, 2008 @ 8:06 pm } · { Family }
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My father called me today.  I hate to say that I dread answering my phone when he calls.  Its very unfortunate, but he never calls with good news.  When I answer, I try not to say “what’s wrong”, instead I say, “what’s going on”, but in my head that’s what I am thinking.  He started off by stating he had to fire his secretary.  That’s not the worst thing in the world, but to him it is.  He’s a lawyer.  In his business, most of his clients are going through the phone book and call him.  When no one answers, they most likely just go to the next name in the phone book, without even leaving a message.  So for him, having someone answering his phone is crucial to his business. 

But then the real reason for his call was revealed.  My brother is in his final semester of college and has applied to Law School.  Lets take a step back for a minute and give a brief history.  His Sophomore year he got his senior in high school girlfriend pregnant, had the baby, married her, and dropped out of school to work full time and support his new family.  Guess he didn’t learn from my mistakes.  A year later came hurricane Katrina where he lost his house and all of his possessions.  His young marriage, already strained by an array of issues did not survive.  Since then he has gone back to college and is in his final semester.  He only applied to one school.  His/my fathers Alma Mater.  Like there was any other choice.  My father got a letter delivered from the school on Friday, and could not help himself but to open it.  It was a rejection letter.  My dad was sick about it all weekend.  He could not bring himself to tell him, in fear it would perpetuate a drinking binge. 

My heart breaks.  I am so fearful that this will cause a downward spiral.  And he has come so far. 

I Love My Job

{ April 17, 2008 @ 12:55 pm } · { Work }
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I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location,
I hate to have to go on vacation
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and piles of paper that grow each day
I think my job is really swell,
there’s nothing else I love so well
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers and jeers and sneers
I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won’t care.
I love each program and every file
I’d love them more if they worked a while.

I am happy to be here. I am. I am.
I’m the happiest slave of the firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job- I’ll say it again-I even love those friendly men
Those friendly men who’ve come today,
In clean white coats to take me away

Busy, Busy

{ April 11, 2008 @ 4:45 pm } · { Every Day Stuff, My Kids }
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Why does everything happen all at once.  Well, actually I am Guilty of letting everything pile up so that I have to get too much done in too little time.  Last night DD worked a back sale with student council at the school talent show.  Of course that meant I had to bake something, so yesterday morning I made cupcakes, and as soon as I walked through the door after work I had to frost them.  DS2 has a baseball clinic tomorrow, and of course he needs new cleats and pants, so after I dropped DD off at her bake sale, DS 1 & 2 and I went shopping for shoes and pants…  Let me tell you that shopping with boys is not fun.  DS2 put his shoes down somewhere in the store and lost them.  I didnt find out until we were at the register, and of course since we tried on 4 pairs, I could not remember what size we had picked, so we had to start all over.  I had no time for this, I had to be back at the school to pick up DD, and I was late.  Luckily, the talent show ran over and my tardiness went unnoticed. 

The Fiancee worked last night.  Which was good and bad.  Bad in the fact that I cannot sleep when he is not home, but good in that I got a lot of things done around my house.  I didn’t end up going to bed until 1:30, and thankfully he got home at about 3:30, so I got a few hours of sound sleep before I had to start my day. 

Tonight is poker.  I love poker, and this is such a great group to play with.  But, again with the no time.  Because I was shopping and cleaning yesterday, I did not make my “snack to share” ahead of time like I had planned.  So rush, rush when I get home.  Feed the kids, make my snack, and get them settled for the evening. 

I still have to go to the grocery, and I still have to finish making my house “company ready”.

 

Betrayal Continued

{ April 10, 2008 @ 11:41 pm } · { Friends }
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Well, I was so upset by Mary Kay, that I emailed her and told her how I felt.  And nothing…  No response.

The Betrayal

{ April 10, 2008 @ 12:26 pm } · { Friends }
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I went to a friends house one Friday night a few weeks ago, for just a girlie night of chatting, we will call her MaryKay.  She is going through a divorce, and entering the new territory of single parenthood.  I left my husband in 2002, and have lived the life of a single mother, and I know that at times you can feel really alone.  So, I went over, and we talked for hours and hours…  and share some very intimate details of both my past relationships and current. 

Well, one of many issues in my current relationship is the lack of time we have together.  He commutes 90 minutes each way to work.  So, we have asked a realtor friend to give us a market analysis of our home as we explore the possibility of relocating closer to Fiancée’s job.  Within the conversation with my realtor, she says don’t worry I won’t be mentioning this to anyone, but Mary Kay told me about the problems you guys are having, you know cause Mary Kay is my best friend…

I was speachless, I dont even know how our conversation ended, thoughts were just swimming in my head.  What does she know?  How much did Mary Kay tell?  And, Who else had she said anything to? 

I am so upset, and feel so betrayed.  I was under the impression that things I said to were to stay between me and Mary Kay.  I thought she was offering me the same level of confidence that I offered her.  When you say don’t tell anyone, I don’t.  I told her private personal things, that I didn’t want repeated or shared with anyone and that included the Realtor, regardless of how close the two of them are.  I am very close with a few women, and I am sure that does not give me the liberty to share Mary Kay’s stories with them,  I am just crushed… 

The Dress

{ April 9, 2008 @ 11:57 pm } · { Crying }
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Ever open a book to the middle and begin reading, and not understand a thing… Well, unfortunatly if you don’t know me then reading my first blog will be a similar experience for you.  But, this is what is on my mind today.

Back in December I had surgery.  And Fiancee and I seemed to be in a good place and I thought we were on the right track in our relationship, moving forward in the same direction for the first time in a while.  So, one Sunday in January my dear friend accompanied me to a wedding dress fitting.  And I fell in love with a dress, and bought it.  Well, turns out that things went totally to the shitter right after.  And my wedding dress is still at the shop waiting for me to pick it up.  I cant even think about it, much less look at it, or even worse have it in my closet in my house. 

I thought things were finally different, but they are not.