Waiting for Weighing

I find one of the hardest parts of weight loss is NOT getting on the scale every day. For instance, every day last week I went to the gym and really watched my calorie intake. I drank my water until I was floating. I really thought I would see results. So every morning I got on the scale hoping to see some kind of reward for my efforts. And every morning I was disappointed. My numbers were going up instead of down, I was 163 by Friday. How cruel is that? Now since I have been dieting basically for the last decade, I know that what is going on with my body. This was my first week since my surgery that I had been cleared by my doctor to return to working out. And my muscles are being used for the first time in over 6 weeks. So they retain water. I know this. But do you think it helps??? Hell no! I cannot short-circuit my brain and NOT want to see immediate results.

So, on Friday I picked up my scale and put it out of sight. I didn’t work out this weekend, but I did my share of physical activity; cleaning house, moving furniture, running errands around town. This morning, I took the out the scale and I finally saw some results. I am 158 again. I have picked up the scale, and I wont take it out again until Friday. I am hoping that not checking every day will prevent me from undue frustration.

I have three weeks until my vacation. I had hoped to be 150 by that time. I don’t see that happening, but I am not yet giving up… Lets see how close I can get!

Weekend Rush

A continuation of my Yard Sale Addiction …..

It has been a rainy week, and I believe it made many families think twice about having a yard sale. The forecast for the weekend was unfavorable, but I found 5 yards sales to hit. The first was a jackpot… I got a complete set of crate and barrel place settings for eight: Plates, bowls, salad plate, cup and saucer for $5.00. And for another $5.00, I got a brand new never opened pampered chef medium bar pan, a tray table, and two bags of misc craft supplies. I was practically high with elation when I drove away. My next stop was successful but not quite as good of bargains as the previous. I got my youngest a red sox coat and an Adidas sweatshirt for $12.00, Joe a Harley scarf for .50 and a DOT motorcycle helmet for myself for $20.00. Again not great prices, but all things I needed and much less than retail. I now have like $4.00 left. The next two house were roll-by’s, not even worth getting out. But my last stop was worth it. She was selling her stamping up collection and I had no money left…. I picked out three sets of never used stamps that I new I had to have. I also found two stacks of good card stock and a candleholder I fell in love with. I handed her my pile and said I had to go see how much money I had in my car and I would be back. I feverishly searched my wallet for any emergency cash I may have stashed. (I think I used that last weekend) I had nothing, only my $4.00, and then I looked up, and in my visor I had a winning scratch ticket that I had intended on cashing in when I got gas. It was a $10.00 winner. So I meekly walked over to the woman and offered her my $4.00 of cash and my $10.00 winning scratch ticket and hoped she would accept them in exchange for my pile. SHE DID!!! WooHoo!!!! What a rush….

Yes, I have a bit of a problem. I love yard sales. I love finding a bargain. I love the excitement of making deals. But most of all, I love getting stuff for my family without putting a strain on our family budget.

Note to self: replenish emergency cash stash in wallet for next Saturday

Ready to Run!!!

I had my post op doctors appointment on Friday. I asked a lot of questions about my fertility, and got some pretty positive responses. But the majority of my questions were about my physically limitations, could I work out at the gym, run in a 5k, and do the triathlon in July that I am hoping to complete for the second year in a row. The verdict is yes to all…, which is such a relief.

I have not been able to go to the gym like I want to since the beginning of May. It’s been a mental struggle for me in many ways. Like not only am I losing a baby, I’m losing all that I have been working towards as well. The gym is my only me time, its like my therapy, its were I clear my head and de-stress. I am a happier me when I am going to the gym on a regular basis. Normally, my friend/neighbor and I car-pool and go every morning at 5:15. I fix us coffee in go-cups which we enjoy on our car ride home. We don’t work out together but we do the same Yoga class on Thursday mornings. She is also my TRI buddy. We both did the Danksin Triathlon together for the first time last year, and I hope to be joining her again this summer if I can get back into my training program quickly.

In addition to my fitness goals, I have weigh loss goals. I started a weightless support group for my friends this year and our group of 15 women lost a total of 136 pounds in just four months. Unfortunately, I did not contribute to that total, I lost nothing. My many setbacks were the cause, but still very disheartening that I did not share in the success. But, I am ready to buckle down and work towards attaining my weightless goals and show them all up this next three months.

So tomorrow morning the restart button gets pressed. I will be back at the gym, measure and weigh myself, dust off the food journal and begin working towards my goals.

Yard Sale Addiction

I have a problem. All week long, as I drive around town transporting my kiddo’s to their various activities, and I look for signs. I have a pen and paper in my console, and I write down the addresses of all the yard sales for the upcoming weekend. On Friday, after I have as many addresses as I can get my hands on, I map my route based on time, location and distance from my kiddo’s Saturday morning sports activities. Friday nights sometimes feel like Christmas Eve, I can wait to go to bed so I can get up and see what finds will be out there the next morning. I actually look forward to getting up early. (what is wrong with me) I fix my coffee in my go-cup and I hit the streets.

Last weekend was the Bonanza day of yard sales. There were four of our local subdivisions that planned community yard sales and the Boy Scouts had their annual spring rummage sale. So of course every household plans their yard sales for this weekend too (which by the way is actually counter productive on their part, everyone is so focused on the big fish that they by pass the little fish who end up losing out). I think I must have gone to at least 30 yard sales this past Saturday. And that does not include the ones I did a roll-by, you know were you slow down to 5 miles per hour and roll by to see what they’ve got and if its worth parking and getting out of your car.

It Friday, I have my list ready, and working on my route… anxious to discover what great finds will be out there tomorrow!

My top three yard sales finds of this season:

1) A Singer sewing machine table – $25.00

Singer

2) A Hammock & Stand – $20.00

HPIM0313

3) Brand New – Never Opened Pizzaelle (italian cookies) Maker – $5.00

HPIM0318

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck…

I had a rough week last week. I mean really hard. I feel like the universe has decided to crap all over me and push me to the point of breaking.

It started Sunday morning. I had pains in my lower abdomen. My mom was visiting for the weekend, and Joe’s parents were driving up from Mass for brunch at The Common Man. So I took a couple of Advil and lay down for about 20 minutes and I felt a little better. Monday was okay but I started to have some spotting that night. Tuesday began a light flow, and some serious abdominal cramping. I thought that it was the beginning of my first period after my miscarriage. Wednesday was much better, but Thursday, I thought I was going to die. I had such severe cramping that I had to leave work. I went home and took a hot bath, and tried to rest. By 3:00 I was having horrible pains on my right side and shoulder and had trouble breathing, it felt like someone was sitting my chest. I decided I needed to go to the emergency room.

We got to the emergency room and were seen surprisingly fast. Within minutes of meeting with the attending doctor, I had blood taken and was hooked up to an IV. Oh, and I finally had some relief because they gave me some pain meds. He asked when was the last time I had had anything to eat or drink, and told me to have nothing else. Right then I new it was serious, and I had Joe call his mom to spend the night with the kids. If nothing else, we were in for a long night and someone needed to be with. Next was the ultrasound. The technician was very kind, but would not even hint as to what she was seeing on the screen and I was quickly returned to the emergency room. The attending doctor came back to give us the results of my tests. The ultrasound revealed that I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured. Blood had been pooling in my abdomen and my short breaths and shoulder pains were a result of the blood pushing on my diaphragm. I would need immediate surgery. Before we could ask any questions, he was called away for phone calls from the emergency team he was calling in for my surgery.

The OB/GYN who was on call was in my room within 20 minutes. She had a stack of forms and thoroughly went thru her diagnosis and what she believed had happened, and what would need to be done to fix the problem. She believed that what had been previously diagnosed as a cyst on my right ovary and dismissed, was in fact a ectopia pregnancy. And that it had in fact ruptured, and I had a significant amount of internal bleeding. So much, that she believe I would require a blood transfusion. She also explained that she would try to perform a laparoscopy, however I may need a much larger incision based on my distress level. My blood pressure at that point was 75 over 53 and they could not give me any more pain medication. She did not believe she would be able to save my right fallopian tube, but would leave the ovary if at all possible. And she was also concerned about my left side being viable under the conditions by body had endured and would examine that area during surgery as well.

Everything seems to be a blur now. Phone calls and text messages to family and friends. I remember being wheeled to surgery, and the operating room. When the anesthesiologist introduced herself as the woman who would be putting me to sleep, I asked her to make sure she woke me up too. At that moment, I was afraid I would never see my kids again and fought back tears as the surgery team rushed around prepping me for surgery.

I don’t remember recovery at all, just waking up in a hospital bed. Joe was there and he went over everything the doctor had told him. A laparoscopy had been performed and I did not require a blood transfusion. My right side was lost, but exploration of my left ovary and fallopian tube showed both as viable. I am just heartbroken that my chances of ever conceiving again have been cut in half. I had a horrible night sleep. Note to self: next emergency room visit, make sure I put my pillow in the car. I could go home later in the day as long as I felt up to it. Of course I wanted to be home and after some breakfast and some rest I was ready to leave.

My friends and family have been great. I have such a wonderful group of women surrounding me, and they delivered meals to my house the following week. I am recovering physically, emotionally may take just a bit longer. I am mostly angry. This could have been prevented. This should have been prevented. I have talked to an attorney, and I believe I will be taking some sort of legal action. All I really want in damages is to cover medical expenses and enough money to cover a couple rounds of invitro in case we are are unable to conceive naturally with only one ovary.

We hope to start trying again in September. Only time will tell ….. and its waiting and wondering that is the hardest to deal with.

Hope in Hand

Seems like I have this dark cloud hanging over my head. When I came Back from My Hiatus I had hope. I thought it was a turning point, a sign of better things to come. Unfortunately the universe continued to shit on me after that. I got horribly sick for three weeks, my washing machine, dryer & dishwasher all broke and washer/dryer had to be replaced, my trunk on my car broke, my car was hit and run in a parking lot, I broke my toes, and the pinnacle of being crapped on by the universe was having a miscarriage on mothers day. Things just do not seem to be getting better for me. And I like to believe I am a good person. In the same time period, I have rescued 2 lost dogs and reunited them with their owners, volunteered for charity work, work hard, take excellent care of my children, help my extended family when ever possible… what am I doing to deserve this bad karma????

I am really trying to optimistic, which is so against my glass half empty personality. My mother came to visit this weekend. We have had a wonderful time. And she brought me something, the long lost pearls that brought me hope in Janaury. They took my breath away.

pearls

They are my hope;

hope for better Karma,
hope to wear them on my wedding day,
hope for better days on the horizon,
hope for calm,
hope for sainity,

and i believe that now that I have hope in hand, my hopes will come true.

Pellet Stove

Last June when home heating oil was over $4.00 a gallon, we started considering purchasing a pellet stove insert for our fireplace. We started shopping in June, and it seemed we were not the only ones with that idea. The insert we wanted from HARMAN was on back order until January, and then install not for months after that. We decided since we would not have it for the winter, we would hold off until next spring (now).

Well, waiting was to our advantage. The market fell, as did oil prices, so people started to cancel their orders for their stoves. Harman had increased production, and now there is a surplus of stoves. Then, JACKPOT – included in the 2009 Economic Stimulus legislation signed into law on February 17, 2009, is a 30% (up to $1,500) consumer tax credit in 2009 and 2010 for the purchase of a 75% efficient biomass-burning stove as measured using a lower heating value. A local Dealer had our insert on sale, $700 cheaper than last June, we attented their spring open house and got 50% off our installation. So, in all we save $900, and will get a $1100 tax credit on our 2009 return.

My livingroom was under construction for two months. Taking down the old tile, putting in the marble, building the hearth. Saw dust covered everything, I gave up trying to keep things clean after the first week. But all of our patience and hard work paid off. We now have our pellet stove insert!

stove

Showing Love thru Chili

I love to cook.  Hmm… well, I love to cook when I don’t have to.  Like, I hate the routine of making dinner because I have to rush home from work and throw something together and usually rush right back out for one of the kids’ many activities.   But I do enjoy being in the kitchen, I get it from my father and my grandmother.  I have spent hours in the kitchen with both of them, and learned more than I ever could from any food network cooking show.  I will never forget the smell of my grandmother’s house after she fried meatballs for her red gravy (that would be spaghetti sauce for you non-italians). You could never leave her house hungry. She had to feed you. It was her way of showing love. And I guess I feel the same way about cooking, its my way of showing love.

I have a few recipes that I like to believe are really good.  One of them is chili.  I have gotten many compliments on my chili.  I have made it for several fundraisers, and completely sell out.  Lots of people ask if my chili is spicy, and my response is that it is very flavorful without the bite.  (which is usually followed by my favorite partner in crime snorting at me)  I like a little fire in my chili, but the northerners up here seem to be afraid of spice.  Everything is really bland.  I believe the trick to really good chili is all about the vegetables – peppers, red onions, green onions, cilantro, and garlic. 

Chili

I think that you should have as much vegetables in your chili as meat (which I do a beef/pork combo). My grandmother always told me that this rule applies to just about every recipe, “When you think you have enough onion, add some more and then its enough.” I usually make a big pot before the summer because in a couple of weeks I won’t want to heat up my kitchen. So, I showed my love to my family yesterday and made a pot of chili.

Lazy Sunday

Today I spent the entire day in bed…  I mean the ENTIRE day.  I cannot remember the last time we did this.  I feel so relaxed, so rested.  We woke up at about 10:00, I went and got our coffee.  We watched a movie.  Ventured downstairs around 1:30 for some lunch, and then climbed back in bed for another two movies.  Finally at 6:30 we got up and fixed dinner.  The kids are happy to have s chore free Sunday.  The played rock band, watched their own movie and just played.  We declared as a family over dinner, that one Sunday a month we will do nothing.   I dont see that actually happening, but it was nice to dream about it!

I’m Back from My Hiatus

I hit a wall.  Things in my life were not going well.  I didn’t want to talk to friends, I didn’t want to talk to family, and I surely didn’t want to blog.  Life was overwhelming, and I wanted to just be alone. 

Today, I am hopeful.

When my father married my mother, he gave her a strand of pearls as a wedding present.  They divorced when I was four, and my mother remarried when I was eight.  Her second husband gave her a strand of pearls as a wedding present (kinda creepy).  She gave my fathers pearls to her mother for safe keeping.  I found out about the pearls many years ago, and told my mother that I didn’t want to take them from my grandmother, but that one day when the time was right, I would like to have them.  I was never a child that dreamed of my parents getting back together.  Probably because I was so young when they divorced, and never remember them ever being together.  But to me, the pearls represent the love they once shared, and that was important to me.  To believe that once they were in love, and we were a family.

Three years ago when I got engaged, I called my mother and asked her if she thought it would be okay to ask for the pearls from my grandmother.  I wanted to wear them on my wedding day as my something old.  Of course she said yes.  Two months later, hurricane Katrina devastated the region where everyone in my family lives.   And at Christmas the following year, my mother cried as she told me that the pearls had been lost during evacuation.  How could I be upset?  Everyone in my entire family had lost everything they owned and all I had lost was a strand of pearls. 

My birthday was last week.  And my mother called while we were out for my birthday dinner.  She told me she had a very special present for me this year, and she cried as she told me she had found the pearls at my Grandmothers house when she visited them for Thanksgiving.  I cried too.

Today I am hopeful.

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