I had a rough week last week. I mean really hard. I feel like the universe has decided to crap all over me and push me to the point of breaking.
It started Sunday morning. I had pains in my lower abdomen. My mom was visiting for the weekend, and Joe’s parents were driving up from Mass for brunch at The Common Man. So I took a couple of Advil and lay down for about 20 minutes and I felt a little better. Monday was okay but I started to have some spotting that night. Tuesday began a light flow, and some serious abdominal cramping. I thought that it was the beginning of my first period after my miscarriage. Wednesday was much better, but Thursday, I thought I was going to die. I had such severe cramping that I had to leave work. I went home and took a hot bath, and tried to rest. By 3:00 I was having horrible pains on my right side and shoulder and had trouble breathing, it felt like someone was sitting my chest. I decided I needed to go to the emergency room.
We got to the emergency room and were seen surprisingly fast. Within minutes of meeting with the attending doctor, I had blood taken and was hooked up to an IV. Oh, and I finally had some relief because they gave me some pain meds. He asked when was the last time I had had anything to eat or drink, and told me to have nothing else. Right then I new it was serious, and I had Joe call his mom to spend the night with the kids. If nothing else, we were in for a long night and someone needed to be with. Next was the ultrasound. The technician was very kind, but would not even hint as to what she was seeing on the screen and I was quickly returned to the emergency room. The attending doctor came back to give us the results of my tests. The ultrasound revealed that I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured. Blood had been pooling in my abdomen and my short breaths and shoulder pains were a result of the blood pushing on my diaphragm. I would need immediate surgery. Before we could ask any questions, he was called away for phone calls from the emergency team he was calling in for my surgery.
The OB/GYN who was on call was in my room within 20 minutes. She had a stack of forms and thoroughly went thru her diagnosis and what she believed had happened, and what would need to be done to fix the problem. She believed that what had been previously diagnosed as a cyst on my right ovary and dismissed, was in fact a ectopia pregnancy. And that it had in fact ruptured, and I had a significant amount of internal bleeding. So much, that she believe I would require a blood transfusion. She also explained that she would try to perform a laparoscopy, however I may need a much larger incision based on my distress level. My blood pressure at that point was 75 over 53 and they could not give me any more pain medication. She did not believe she would be able to save my right fallopian tube, but would leave the ovary if at all possible. And she was also concerned about my left side being viable under the conditions by body had endured and would examine that area during surgery as well.
Everything seems to be a blur now. Phone calls and text messages to family and friends. I remember being wheeled to surgery, and the operating room. When the anesthesiologist introduced herself as the woman who would be putting me to sleep, I asked her to make sure she woke me up too. At that moment, I was afraid I would never see my kids again and fought back tears as the surgery team rushed around prepping me for surgery.
I don’t remember recovery at all, just waking up in a hospital bed. Joe was there and he went over everything the doctor had told him. A laparoscopy had been performed and I did not require a blood transfusion. My right side was lost, but exploration of my left ovary and fallopian tube showed both as viable. I am just heartbroken that my chances of ever conceiving again have been cut in half. I had a horrible night sleep. Note to self: next emergency room visit, make sure I put my pillow in the car. I could go home later in the day as long as I felt up to it. Of course I wanted to be home and after some breakfast and some rest I was ready to leave.
My friends and family have been great. I have such a wonderful group of women surrounding me, and they delivered meals to my house the following week. I am recovering physically, emotionally may take just a bit longer. I am mostly angry. This could have been prevented. This should have been prevented. I have talked to an attorney, and I believe I will be taking some sort of legal action. All I really want in damages is to cover medical expenses and enough money to cover a couple rounds of invitro in case we are are unable to conceive naturally with only one ovary.
We hope to start trying again in September. Only time will tell ….. and its waiting and wondering that is the hardest to deal with.