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Ready to Run!!!

I had my post op doctors appointment on Friday. I asked a lot of questions about my fertility, and got some pretty positive responses. But the majority of my questions were about my physically limitations, could I work out at the gym, run in a 5k, and do the triathlon in July that I am hoping to complete for the second year in a row. The verdict is yes to all…, which is such a relief.

I have not been able to go to the gym like I want to since the beginning of May. It’s been a mental struggle for me in many ways. Like not only am I losing a baby, I’m losing all that I have been working towards as well. The gym is my only me time, its like my therapy, its were I clear my head and de-stress. I am a happier me when I am going to the gym on a regular basis. Normally, my friend/neighbor and I car-pool and go every morning at 5:15. I fix us coffee in go-cups which we enjoy on our car ride home. We don’t work out together but we do the same Yoga class on Thursday mornings. She is also my TRI buddy. We both did the Danksin Triathlon together for the first time last year, and I hope to be joining her again this summer if I can get back into my training program quickly.

In addition to my fitness goals, I have weigh loss goals. I started a weightless support group for my friends this year and our group of 15 women lost a total of 136 pounds in just four months. Unfortunately, I did not contribute to that total, I lost nothing. My many setbacks were the cause, but still very disheartening that I did not share in the success. But, I am ready to buckle down and work towards attaining my weightless goals and show them all up this next three months.

So tomorrow morning the restart button gets pressed. I will be back at the gym, measure and weigh myself, dust off the food journal and begin working towards my goals.

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck…

I had a rough week last week. I mean really hard. I feel like the universe has decided to crap all over me and push me to the point of breaking.

It started Sunday morning. I had pains in my lower abdomen. My mom was visiting for the weekend, and Joe’s parents were driving up from Mass for brunch at The Common Man. So I took a couple of Advil and lay down for about 20 minutes and I felt a little better. Monday was okay but I started to have some spotting that night. Tuesday began a light flow, and some serious abdominal cramping. I thought that it was the beginning of my first period after my miscarriage. Wednesday was much better, but Thursday, I thought I was going to die. I had such severe cramping that I had to leave work. I went home and took a hot bath, and tried to rest. By 3:00 I was having horrible pains on my right side and shoulder and had trouble breathing, it felt like someone was sitting my chest. I decided I needed to go to the emergency room.

We got to the emergency room and were seen surprisingly fast. Within minutes of meeting with the attending doctor, I had blood taken and was hooked up to an IV. Oh, and I finally had some relief because they gave me some pain meds. He asked when was the last time I had had anything to eat or drink, and told me to have nothing else. Right then I new it was serious, and I had Joe call his mom to spend the night with the kids. If nothing else, we were in for a long night and someone needed to be with. Next was the ultrasound. The technician was very kind, but would not even hint as to what she was seeing on the screen and I was quickly returned to the emergency room. The attending doctor came back to give us the results of my tests. The ultrasound revealed that I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured. Blood had been pooling in my abdomen and my short breaths and shoulder pains were a result of the blood pushing on my diaphragm. I would need immediate surgery. Before we could ask any questions, he was called away for phone calls from the emergency team he was calling in for my surgery.

The OB/GYN who was on call was in my room within 20 minutes. She had a stack of forms and thoroughly went thru her diagnosis and what she believed had happened, and what would need to be done to fix the problem. She believed that what had been previously diagnosed as a cyst on my right ovary and dismissed, was in fact a ectopia pregnancy. And that it had in fact ruptured, and I had a significant amount of internal bleeding. So much, that she believe I would require a blood transfusion. She also explained that she would try to perform a laparoscopy, however I may need a much larger incision based on my distress level. My blood pressure at that point was 75 over 53 and they could not give me any more pain medication. She did not believe she would be able to save my right fallopian tube, but would leave the ovary if at all possible. And she was also concerned about my left side being viable under the conditions by body had endured and would examine that area during surgery as well.

Everything seems to be a blur now. Phone calls and text messages to family and friends. I remember being wheeled to surgery, and the operating room. When the anesthesiologist introduced herself as the woman who would be putting me to sleep, I asked her to make sure she woke me up too. At that moment, I was afraid I would never see my kids again and fought back tears as the surgery team rushed around prepping me for surgery.

I don’t remember recovery at all, just waking up in a hospital bed. Joe was there and he went over everything the doctor had told him. A laparoscopy had been performed and I did not require a blood transfusion. My right side was lost, but exploration of my left ovary and fallopian tube showed both as viable. I am just heartbroken that my chances of ever conceiving again have been cut in half. I had a horrible night sleep. Note to self: next emergency room visit, make sure I put my pillow in the car. I could go home later in the day as long as I felt up to it. Of course I wanted to be home and after some breakfast and some rest I was ready to leave.

My friends and family have been great. I have such a wonderful group of women surrounding me, and they delivered meals to my house the following week. I am recovering physically, emotionally may take just a bit longer. I am mostly angry. This could have been prevented. This should have been prevented. I have talked to an attorney, and I believe I will be taking some sort of legal action. All I really want in damages is to cover medical expenses and enough money to cover a couple rounds of invitro in case we are are unable to conceive naturally with only one ovary.

We hope to start trying again in September. Only time will tell ….. and its waiting and wondering that is the hardest to deal with.

Hope in Hand

Seems like I have this dark cloud hanging over my head. When I came Back from My Hiatus I had hope. I thought it was a turning point, a sign of better things to come. Unfortunately the universe continued to shit on me after that. I got horribly sick for three weeks, my washing machine, dryer & dishwasher all broke and washer/dryer had to be replaced, my trunk on my car broke, my car was hit and run in a parking lot, I broke my toes, and the pinnacle of being crapped on by the universe was having a miscarriage on mothers day. Things just do not seem to be getting better for me. And I like to believe I am a good person. In the same time period, I have rescued 2 lost dogs and reunited them with their owners, volunteered for charity work, work hard, take excellent care of my children, help my extended family when ever possible… what am I doing to deserve this bad karma????

I am really trying to optimistic, which is so against my glass half empty personality. My mother came to visit this weekend. We have had a wonderful time. And she brought me something, the long lost pearls that brought me hope in Janaury. They took my breath away.

pearls

They are my hope;

hope for better Karma,
hope to wear them on my wedding day,
hope for better days on the horizon,
hope for calm,
hope for sainity,

and i believe that now that I have hope in hand, my hopes will come true.

Lazy Sunday

Today I spent the entire day in bed…  I mean the ENTIRE day.  I cannot remember the last time we did this.  I feel so relaxed, so rested.  We woke up at about 10:00, I went and got our coffee.  We watched a movie.  Ventured downstairs around 1:30 for some lunch, and then climbed back in bed for another two movies.  Finally at 6:30 we got up and fixed dinner.  The kids are happy to have s chore free Sunday.  The played rock band, watched their own movie and just played.  We declared as a family over dinner, that one Sunday a month we will do nothing.   I dont see that actually happening, but it was nice to dream about it!

Episode 2 – Vanishing Weekends

Here we go again, its Monday, I am exhausted going into the week, my to-do-list has doubled and I wish I could cocoon myself in my blankets and sleep for another 4 hours.  Once again, my weekend was productive.  Friday, with the assistance of my dear friend, I took apart my son’s loft bed to make room for his new bunk beds, and delivered it to my friend’s house for her son to use.  We ate Chinese together and then me and my tribe made our bi-weekly trip to the Air Force Base to shop at the Commissary.  We didn’t get home until 8:45pm and still had to unload and put away.

Saturday started with laundry, a trash run to the dump, and getting the three kiddies ready for their soccer games.  Somehow, I got roped into taking an extra kid home after the game, conflict in schedules for his family.  We had to pick up Cameron’s new bed and unload it.  Oh my aching back it was heavy.  Saturday night was our couple’s poker game, and I started to really feel sick. 

Sore throat!  Ugh!!!  I don’t have time to be sick.  Sunday was just a normal day of cooking and maintaining.  Feeling under the weather prevented any super mom accomplishments like assembling the new bed, or conquering the mountain of laundry. 

And now, back to the rat race of work, school, band, chorus, and soccer. 

Wrong Email Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.

They planned to stay at the same hotel where
They spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday , with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.

There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address , and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral.

He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the Floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: October 16, 2007
I know you’re surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.

I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

Morning Mourning

Are you a coffee drinker?  I cannot function without mine.  I use to be really bad, I would drink a whole pot of coffee by myself.  If I could have hooked myself up intravenously, and skipped the mug, I believe I would have.  As I get older, and more conscious of my health, I have curbed my coffee habit to 2 cups a day. Having reduced my intake, I found myself frequenting drive thru coffee shops rather than brewing my own.  I am not disciplined enough to pour my brew into a canister for refrigerator storage and future reheating, I was dumping half a pot of coffee a day.  So, I had stopped wasting, but was spending a fortune.  My solution… My Keruig.  I love it, love it, love it.  I can brew a single cup of coffee in less than 30 seconds.  A local coffee house has 200 variety of the k-cups, and you can mix and match and make your own box of 24 flavors, instead of having to buy an entire box of one flavor.  I get giddy every time I use it.  (it doesn’t take much to make me happy)

 

Well, something is wrong. My Keurig has passed away. I am sad heartbroken.  I am working with the company to send back mine and get a replacement.  In the mean time, I am back to brewing the old way.  It’s not the same.  I miss my baby.  I’m mourning my mornings, until my Keurig comes back to me.

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL…..

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s late. I think I’ll go to bed”

 

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches….

 

Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning..…

 

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button…

 

She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. …

 

She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

  

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair….

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse….

 

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails…

 

Dad called out, “I thought you were going to bed.”

 

“I’m on my way,” she said.

  

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on…

 

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV’s, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.   

  

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

  

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. “I’m going to bed.”

 

And he did…without another thought.

 

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer…?

  

    

  

  

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL….. (and we can’t die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)

  

  

    

 

The “Big Bang” Experiment: Are we in for a disaster?

Have you seen or read anything about the fact that Wednesday, September 10, the most powerful atom-smasher ever built comes into action.   It is supposed to recreate conditions not seen since a split second after the big bang 14 billion years ago.  It is located 300 feet underground near the French-Swiss border, the collider will fire two beams of particles in opposite directions around a 27-kilometre ring at almost the speed of light.  When the beams collide head on, they will create fireballs and showers of subatomic debris never witnessed before.

This could be the world’s biggest scientific experiment, and give great insight on how the universe was born.  Australian scientists have helped design and construct one of the huge detectors in the device hope to search for an elusive subatomic particle, dubbed the “God particle”. But some scientists believe it will trigger the end of world and universe.

Should they be allowed to perform this experiment. What is the advantage of this experiment, does it justify the dangerous tampering with nature? Does it make anyone else uneasy that black holes could be created?

What are your thoughts?

 

I Hate Mondays

I hate Mondays and sometimes get bummed out thinking about the work week ahead.  Not because I don’t like to work, but because I hate my job.  Its is so empty and meaningless to me.  My past jobs, I felt like I was contributing to something, making a small difference.  My current job, not so much.  The Managing Partner (my boss) is only about making money.  And is quite a self-centered, arrogant, prick.

 I found this few days ago and read it again and am feeling better about the week already. It’s from Anita Roddick the founder of The Body Shop.  “…success to me is not about money or status or fame, its about finding a livelihood that brings me joy and self-sufficiency and a sense of contributing to the world.” 

Today I start looking for a new job that meets the criteria of this quote, and then maybe it will help cure my Monday Blahs.

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